Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
