if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
