Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
