UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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