My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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