This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
