i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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