if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
