I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
