Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
