I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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