absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
