You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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