It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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