I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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