just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
