Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize