i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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