I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
