and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
