this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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