I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Welp...herpes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
