forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
