Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
