i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
