they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
