Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
