i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
