I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
