My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
