I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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