I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
