I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
