a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize