you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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