we have officially lost it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
