my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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