i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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