Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
