I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
