Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
