That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
