do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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