Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
