i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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