What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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