Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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