I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
