The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
