I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
