I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
