Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She announced her abortion via fbk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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