stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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