You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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