worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
