let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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