I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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