Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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