Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
