I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
