When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize