Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
