guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
