shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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