We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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