Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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