i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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