Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize