I wish I could teleport
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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