Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
