Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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