I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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