lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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