just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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