hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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