My sheets look like a crime scene.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
