I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
