after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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