that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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