I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
