I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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