I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
