Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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