A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
