i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
