She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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