They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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